I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize