So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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