I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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