You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
