u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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