would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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