So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
be right there i have to get my cape
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
