my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
