So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
