I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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