He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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