remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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