I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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