I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
