Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We talked him into tasing himself.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
