dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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