turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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