i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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