They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
