North Korea, Best Korea!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
