If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
