Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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