im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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