my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize