Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
