We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
