Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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