He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
