The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
