So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
