Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
