Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Mom said you looked used
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
