Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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