i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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