it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
