My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
