Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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