I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
