the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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