He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
