Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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