dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
