Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
