found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
