The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
last night I used snow as a chaser
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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