My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
