Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
