Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
