I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
should my penis look like a turkey
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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