Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
farters have to be the big spoon...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
