i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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