did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the day after is always just damage control
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
