I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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