She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
