we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
