i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
