i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
