he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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