What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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