I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
