I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
