exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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