Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
