WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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