Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
