Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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