proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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