all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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