I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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