Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
