My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
