five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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